Victory achieved through military means cannot be lasting; the defeated will eventually retaliate. This kind of victory has occurred many times in human history, but sooner or later, it will turn into a grave disaster—because the victory obtained through force itself plants a seed of failure in the future, and the arrival of this failure is merely a matter of time.
In times of disagreement and conflict, the one who maintains composure is the strongest. Only this person can master the situation, and calmness is the only way to prevent the tension from escalating.
“Being contrarian and making judgments will never be effective,” the sage commented, “on the contrary, it will only exacerbate conflict. Yet, this is something that every person trying to soothe others does subconsciously.”
Asking someone a question is giving them a chance to speak The Cycle of Refusal and Explanation When someone refuses our request, our immediate reaction is usually to explain why they should accept our proposal. If the other party doesn’t choose to concede, we often continue to explain or present more arguments. We try to force acceptance through our own explanation, and the other party is doing the exact same thing. This is like a conversation between two deaf people: “No, because…”, “Yes, because…”, “No, because…”, “Yes, because…”, endlessly. ...
We are always eager to explain to others why they are wrong, but what we should actually do is show interest in other people’s viewpoints, and this also serves our own interests. When others reject one of your proposals, you first need to show interest in the reasons behind it, and your attitude must be as sincere as possible. You can ask, “Why do you disagree?” and then listen attentively to their answer. Their answer is like a gold mine, containing many pieces of information worth considering and leveraging. That is the secret.
Avoid getting caught in the cycle of explaining, threatening, and personal attacks. Step One Calming Your Own Emotions. When we feel an urge to attack the other person internally, we need to try our best to suppress it. For example, we can achieve this through several methods mentioned in the story: Correcting misjudgments of the facts; Distracting yourself through deep breathing; Or simply restraining the fist you want to throw; Or any other method that might be effective. During communication with others, every time you feel this urge reignite internally, you must review this step in your mind. Completing this step only takes a few seconds, making it perhaps the most difficult and most important step. If you don’t have the urge to attack the other person, that is naturally better. You can then proceed directly to the next step. ...