1 - Understanding human nature
People are, above all, interested in themselves. Yup. Sorry. No matter who you are people will always be a thousand times more interested in themselves than in you. No judgment here.
People’s actions are governed by self-interest.
In every human relationship, your counterpart will always think or ask themselves “what’s in it for me?” Remember this question “What’s in it for me?” By the way, you’re asking this question in all your interactions too, consciously or subconsciously.
People are above all interested in themselves and not in you.
2 - The most important subject of any conversation
The most important subject that anyone will want to talk about with you is… THEMSELVES.
when you talk with people about themselves, they will love you for your wise choice of subject. They will be totally fascinated by the subject and show an enormous interest.
When you are talking to people, forget about “I,” “my,” and “mine” for a while and substitute it with a word that will make you a very sought after conversational partner: The word “YOU.”
When you get from “I,” “my,” “mine,” to “YOU” and “YOUR” your power and influence will increase by a significant degree.
get them talking about themselves. Who doesn’t love to talk about themselves? If you can show true interest and get people to talk about themselves, they will like you a lot, so ask them lots of questions about themselves.
Stop talking about yourself and start talking about the person in front of you or get them to talk about themselves.
3 - Make people feel important
The desire to be recognized. The desire to be important. The desire to be noticed. The desire to be “someone.” This is the most powerful motivator.
Give every person you meet the importance they deserve-which is almost definitely the importance YOU think YOU deserve. Don’t ignore them, don’t talk down on them. Make them feel important. Listen to them! If you don’t listen, they feel unimportant. Compliment them, but only if it’s a sincere compliment.
Don’t interrupt people. Make a short pause before answering. This gives them the feeling that you have listened closely and are interested in what they have to say.
Make people feel important, and they’ll always be on your side.
4 - The most important characteristic: Agree with people.
The most important characteristic: Agree with people.
Well, first of all, people like people who agree with them. Second, people don’t like people who disagree with them. Third, people don’t like being disagreed with. Am I right or am I right? Adopt the attitude of being agreeable. Learn to agree with people and let them know when you do so. Nod your head. Say “yes,” “right,” “I totally agree with you,” “I totally get you.”
“Any fool can disagree with people”
我无常心,众心为心。
“Do I want to be right or do I want to be in peace?”
Agreeing with people, on the other hand, is a wise, intelligent and good decision, even more so when the other person is wrong.
立场为先,不论对错
Don’t argue-even if you are right. Why? Easy: Nobody ever wins an argument. Both lose. One loses, and the other one loses even if he or she is right. You also don’t win a lot of friends by arguing, do you? Who wants to be with a person that argues all the time anyway?
Some people might even want to provoke you because they love fighting. They feed on fights. There’s a saying in Spain: “If one doesn’t want to fight, two won’t fight.” Ignore the fighters. Change the subject, Walk away. Whatever-You don’t want fighters as friends anyway.
If you make a mistake, admit it. It’s a sign of a strong person, and you’ll be admired for it as average and mediocre people don’t admit their mistakes.
Remember people like people who agree with them.
5 - How to make people like you immediately
“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”
In the first moment when the door opens, when you make eye contact, even before you say anything; give the person your most sincere smile. A smile can do miracles.
Smile at the baker, the butcher, in the subway, at the newspaper stand and see what happens. Smile even when you are talking on the phone! The person on the other end of the phone will notice it. Smiling is contagious, so in most cases, people will smile back and be nice to you.
伸手不打笑脸人
is not only good for your relationships, but also for your health! Science has demonstrated that laughing or smiling a lot daily improves your mental state and creativity. It also alters your stress response in difficult situations by slowing down your heart rate and decreasing stress levels.
Smile and win in all relationships.
6 - How to make a good impression
You can’t expect others to believe in you if you don’t believe in you, yet. Start being proud of yourself, of who you are, of where you come from, and of what you do for a living. This is not the time to be modest! Careful though. It’s also not the time to be arrogant. I’m talking about healthy self-esteem. Knowing who you are, knowing your strength, but also knowing that you are not better than anybody else (and remembering that nobody is better than you either).
Say only things you mean and mean the things you say. As I mentioned before, cheap compliments, empty promises, and meaningless words will always be discovered and cause the opposite effect of what you want to achieve.
Being overanxious makes people wonder, and they start doubting. “Why is he so anxious?”, “What does she have to hide?”
Never try to make yourself look good, by putting other people down. This makes you look bad and can damage your effort to make friends and influence people.
a person that treats you nicely and disrespects the waiter is not a nice person.
If you can’t say nice things, say nothing. Don’t put people down.
Other people’s opinion about us is primarily made by how we behave.
7 - How to connect with people
One great way to connect with people is by being interested in them and in the things that interest them.
有相同的爱好，玩一样的游戏
If you make an effort to study their interests, you’ll surely get good results. I know a lot of salespeople who know everything that can interest their client even before they meet them the first time in person. Those are also the most successful salespeople. They talk about the interests of their potential clients with true interest and then close the sale.
Be nice. Even on the phone. If you are smiling on the phone, the person on the other end of the line can feel it.
People can smell false praise and played interest from a mile away.
Show true interest in other people and succeed
8 - How to develop an attractive personality
One of the most important ingredients is Acceptance. You must accept people as they are. So simple and yet sometimes so complicated, right? To make it easier remember these things. People are not like you. They are not perfect (you also aren’t, and-even better-you don’t have to be!). You can’t change them no matter how hard you try. They might not have the same values as you and many times they won’t live up to your high expectations.
你必须接受这帮傻逼,他们学不会和人平等交流。也不想改变自己的想法,你不要尝试改变他们。
Accept and like people just as they are.
Another ingredient is Approval. No matter how many faults somebody has, you can always find something to approve of.
无论多么离谱的人,你也能找到角度来认可他
Appreciation. Next to love, appreciation is probably the most critical force in the universe. When do our marriages and jobs go sour? When we don’t appreciate them anymore.
Accept. Approve of. Appreciate. Use this formula to become a people magnet.
9 - It’s what they want, not what you want
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When you want to influence people always have in mind: It’s what they want, not what you want. I love the example Dale Carnegie put in his classic “How to make friends and influence people”: He loved strawberry and cream, but when he went fishing he didn’t use strawberries with cream to bait the fish, but worms. Fish want worms, not strawberries.
We have to put ourselves in their shoes and see things from their point of view. We have to make them really, really want what we have to offer them. We have to speak their language, use the words they would use and talk in terms of what they want.
The more you think about the needs and want of other people, the more successful relationships you will get. Be careful though and don’t forget your own needs and wants. Remember: It’s what they want, not what you want.
人人都像你祈祷,你就是上帝,赐予他们想要的夸奖,赞美,倾听,认同
10 - Listen to people actively
One of the most critical skills of a “people magnet” is the ability and skill of “active listening” or listening profoundly. The more you listen, the smarter you will get. You will also be more liked, and people will love to have conversations with you. Why? Because you’ll be of a rare breed. Most people never listen.
A good listener will always have the advantage over a good talker because he or she always allows people to hear their favorite speaker in the world: themselves.
Listening profoundly means to listen to the person in front of you while giving them your full attention. Look at the person who is talking. Listen with your eyes, with your ears, with your whole body and keep looking at them. Nod your head to show them you are agreeing with their points, smile.
Lean towards the speaker. Show interest. Show them you don’t want to miss a single word. Ask questions. This will show the speaker that you are listening and will flatter him/her. It can be super simple questions like “and then what happened” or “and then what did you do?”
Quiet down the little voice in your head that comes up with advice and a solution thirty seconds after the person starts speaking. Don’t listen to answer. Listen to understand. If you are rehearsing what you are going to say next, you are not listening! Don’t interrupt the speaker until he or she is finished, or don’t just wait for your counterpart to pause so that you can begin to speak. Don’t change subjects. On the contrary ask for more.
If you want to give advice, ask for permission. Most of the time the person who is speaking will come up with the solution-if you let her or him finish.
Don’t forget using “you” and “your” instead of “me, my, mine.”
Try it! Becoming a good listener will take your conversations and relationships to an entirely new level. When people feel that you are listening to them, they will automatically like to be around you. Be a good listener!
11- Become an influencer
Influencing people means to get them to do what you want them to do. So, the logical first step will be to find out what will make them do it. You need to know what they want. You need to know what will motivate them, what will move them.
The biggest mistake we make when trying to influence people is that we think that other people like what we like, are motivated by things that motivate us, are after what we are after.
爱好,欲望,信念
Everybody is different. Everyone has different values. Everyone likes different things, and everyone has different motivators.
To influence people, you need to find out what they want. Once you know what they want you can make them take action by telling them what they want to hear.
You show them how they can get what they want by doing what you want them to do. Yup. That’s manipulating at its best-so I hope dear reader that you just wish the best for the people you want to influence because this power-just like the power of electricity or the atom-can be used to create something beautiful, or to destroy. Choose wisely.
First of all, you will have to find out what people want, what they are looking for. If they want security, talk security. If they want to leave their day job, show them ways to leave their day job, if they want financial freedom, you talk financial freedom. The point is to find out what people want and then show them how to get what they want by doing what you want them to do (e.g., buy the course, buy the clothes, come to work for you, etc.).
If you are looking for a job, you would first find out what the employer is looking for, what abilities and responsibilities are needed for the job, and then you would show them that you can fill these needs better than anybody else.
When you know what somebody is looking for, you can talk the language they want to hear.
So, from now on listen very carefully to what people say, watch with great interest what they do and ask lots of questions. Make an effort to find out what people want and then use it to influence them.
仔细倾听,找出他们的喜好欲望,并且加以利用
Find out what people want most.
12 - How to convince people real quick
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A great way to convince people is quoting someone. That’s why testimonials and opinions of others, in other words, social proof go a long, long way. Let somebody else speak for you even if the person is not present in the moment.
- If you are selling something and you are asked about the product quote a relevant customer opinion. In that case, your customer is answering the question although he or she isn’t there with you.
- If somebody wants to know if you are paying your suppliers on time, you can mention how happy your other suppliers are with you paying their bills on time.
If you are applying for a job, mention all the good things your past employers and colleagues say about you.
It’s a psychological mystery. If you tell people directly about how great you are, they will be hugely skeptical, yet they don’t have any doubts that what you tell them is true if you tell them through third person’s testimonials.
Speak through third persons. Quote statistics and/or people. Relate facts. Tell success stories.
13 - Get people to say YES to you
The ability that will boost the chances of getting people to say “yes” to you, and don’t forget: If you get them to say yes to you, you’ll get them to do whatever you want them to do.
1. Give people reasons to say yes to you
2. Ask “yes” questions
Do you want to be happy? Do you want to be independent? Do you want to live a life free from worries?
3. Give them a choice between two yeses Don’t give people a choice between yes and no. Let
When you are giving the other party a choice between yes and no, you might hear an awful lot of nos. It’s much better to not ask open questions. “Do you want the red or the black?” instead of “Do you want one of these?” “Do you want to start today or on Wednesday?” instead of “Do you want to start here?” “Do you want to pay cash or credit card?”, instead of “Do you want this?” I’m not saying that this will work every single time, but your success rate will increase. It will surely work a lot better than giving people a choice between answering yes or no.
4. Expect people to say yes to you
Get the easy yes, yes and yes and more yeses will come.
14 - Talk less, do more
You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.
People who just talk about the great things they will do for their friends, their company, their community and never follow up with action lose credibility and sooner or later nobody is going to take them seriously anymore.
夸夸其谈之辈很快就会露馅
Talk less and convince the people around you by your actions.
人狠话不多说更有威慑力
Stop talking and start doing. NOW.
15 - Respect other people’s opinions
You won’t be right all the time. And even the times you are right, it’s a lot more beneficial for you not to prove others wrong.
It’s impossible to alter people’s opinions after having hurt their feelings.
Saying things like “I’m going to prove this to you” is like saying “I’m smarter than you and I’m going to prove it” and the only thing it will cause is opposition and will make it impossible to change your counterpart’s opinion.
Start by admitting that you could be wrong. It changes the whole conversations. You are admitting a mistake. “I might be wrong, but let’s look at it.”
Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand them.
If you want to be right and have to point out other people’s mistakes all the time soon, you will be alone, and nobody will want to be around you.
Use diplomacy, be smart, be subtle. Don’t prove other people wrong
16 - Be authentic. Be transparent. Be you!
Don’t play any roles. Let people feel that what they see is what they get.
人设早晚崩塌
Don’t put on a mask. Stop playing roles to please others. Stop faking and allow yourself to be you.
不能同意,和前面几章明显矛盾。 我无常心,众心为心
17 - Communicate effectively
Get your counterpart to talk about themselves. Ask questions about the others’ interests like why? Where? How?
In a world where everybody continually wants to talk about themselves, listening is GOLD.
18 - The deadly sin in human relations you need to avoid
As humans, we are innately selfish.
You are human, so you will be tempted to talk about yourself. You want to shine. You want to be admired. You want to be acknowledged. You want to impress. Anyways, you are much better off to resist this temptation.
开启上帝模式,跳出三界外,不玩地位 0 和游戏,赐予他们需要的东西吧
Do you want the other person’s permission for something? Do you want their business? Their goodwill? If you want any of this, keep the conversation focused on them.
If you want to be successful, let others do the talking about themselves and listen. Only talk about yourself when you are invited, or asked to do so. If others are interested in you, they will ask. If so, talk a little bit about yourself and then turn the focus back to them.
Don’t be selfish. Keep the focus on them.
19 - Say thank you!
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I’m a huge fan of gratitude. I think it’s one of the most powerful forces in the universe and being very grateful not only brings good things into our lives, but it also makes us notice more and more of those that are already there.
It’s human nature to like and respond to people who appreciate us and show us gratitude.
希望别人感恩与感激也是人性
Be grateful to people and show it to them with kind words or little gestures and you can be assured that it will come back to you multiplied.
Say it with joy. Maintain eye contact. It means a lot more when you look people that you thank in the eyes. Say “Thank you, Peter,” “Thank you, Mary.” Use people’s names. It makes a huge difference.
Let the power of gratitude change your relationships and your life for the better.
20 - Admit your mistakes
If we want to build trust with people and influence them and want to be the real thing we have to find the strength of admitting our mistakes-even if it’s difficult. Don’t waste your energy making up excuses or justifications.
Admitting a mistake and taking the consequences takes much more strength than denial. And it’s much healthier. Instead of losing energy denying it, it will liberate you.
Admit your mistakes, but avoid repeating the same ones over and over again.
21 - Stop gossiping
I know, sometimes it’s very tempting to hear the latest rumors from other people. The problem is that most probably the person who tells you these rumors starts spreading rumors about you, once you turn your back on them.
传别人闲话给你的人,也会传你的闲话
Stop gossiping. Everybody wants to be with a person of integrity.
22 - Stop judging
Judging and condemning others. People don’t want to be judged. Period. People want to be liked, made to feel important, and appreciated. Not judged.
Don’t judge people. Once you are tempted to judge, take a look at yourself and see if you have the flaws you judge in other people.
23 - Forgive everyone
The antidote to this is Forgiveness! To be a forgiving person is not only good for your relationships with other people, it’s also the fast track to success and happiness. This is not about being right or wrong; it’s about you being well and not wasting energy. Forgive even if it was the other party who wronged you. You are doing it for yourself!
不要去记恨人渣,别让他们持续伤害你
Let them go, forgive them, forget them and move on.
Don’t be a fool! Forgive everyone and be fun to be around!
24 - Keep your word
Remember a good reputation built over a long time can be destroyed in seconds.
If you talk a lot but don’t follow up with action, people will lose trust in you.
Never make promises you can’t keep and over-deliver on everything you do. If you say you are going to be somewhere, be there. Mean everything you say. No wishy-washy talk. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it. Do what you say you’re going to do. Never tell a lie. If you can’t, don’t or won’t do something, tell people the truth right away. Don’t play with people’s emotions. Don’t say things only to impress. Be authentic.
Don’t undermine your reputation and your self-worth. Tell the truth and keep your commitments.
25 - Treat others as you would like others to treat you.
Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
26 - Remember people’s names
Remember people’s names. You’ll make people feel more important, and most importantly you build better relationships and trust.
27 - Avoid arguments
Do you ever really, really win an argument? Yes? I don’t think so. You might have “won” the argument, but you surely lost your “opponents” sympathy.
You can’t win an argument. If you lose it, you lose it; if you win it, you also lose it. Why? Because you made the other party look inferior and might even have hurt their dignity. And yes. You probably haven’t changed their opinion anyway.
How many times did you win an argument with your boss? Did the promotion come right away, or are you still waiting? How many times did you win an argument against a client? Where you right? Yes? Did you win? Yes? Did he buy? Probably not. If possible concentrate on things you agree on instead of focusing on things on which you differ.
争论不可能赢,赢了面子输掉里子
If someone wants to start an argument with you, agree with them. The blue car is better than the red one? Yes! You are right. Period. No room for an argument. It’s not a sign of weakness to avoid arguments. It’s a sign of strength. Remember, you can’t win anyway. If
instead of wasting your time arguing with them give them the feeling of significance and win their goodwill.
Avoid arguments. Save your time. You can’t afford to lose time arguing, nor can you afford to take the consequences.
remember not many people are able to admit mistakes.
Could they be right? What benefit will my reaction have? What price do I have to pay if I’m right? Is it better to be quiet? Where is the opportunity here? Avoid arguments. You can’t win them.
28 - Praise and acknowledge people honestly and sincerely
Praise the behavior, not the person. It will create an incentive for others to act the same way.
夸他们做的事情,不要去直接夸奖人,会显得不真诚
Make saying kind things to at least three different people a daily habit.
29 - Show everyone kindness and respect
Show every person you meet kindness and respect. Every person has a story as compelling and complicated as your own. Just as you are extraordinary, so are they.
Many times in my life, people I first thought of as “What a strange person” or “He doesn’t seem to be very bright” have become my best friends. Meet people with kindness and respect and great things can come from it.
Every now and then you might end up disappointed when you are kind to people, and they don’t respond to it, or maybe even take advantage of you. Don’t let this change you. It’s not your problem; it’s theirs. It’s a price worth paying for meeting all the other great people who’ll come into your life.
你肯定会遇到一些傻逼,别理他们就好
Remember: If somebody is rude to you, it’s their problem, not yours.
Show everyone kindness and respect. They deserve it. Even the “bad” ones.
30 - Don’t give direct orders - be more subtle
People don’t like to be given direct orders. It goes against our nature. You can convince people much more subtly by asking questions like “Did you consider this option?” or “Do you think that would work?” or “What would you think of this?”, “Maybe this one would work better?”
Always give people the opportunity to get things done themselves.
Asking questions is not only a smoother way to get results it also stimulates the creativity of the person you ask. It’s much easier for people to accept a decision or an order if they at least feel that they had their part in the process.
Effective leaders use the power of questions instead of giving direct orders.
31 - Believe in people’s potential
Remind your employees of their outstanding work in the past, give them a vision of themselves they are eager to live up to, believe in them, and they will rise to the occasion.
You can easily lead people and make them trust you if you have their respect and you earn that respect by believing in them and showing respect for their abilities and their work.
Believe in the potential of people, and you will see miracles happen.
32 - Be an example
The best way of influencing others is by being an example. Treat other people how you want to be treated. Adopt the attitude you want other people to show you. You might have heard the theory that other persons are like a mirror towards us. Observe this fact closely!
You need to accept that you cannot change others. What you can do is to accept them as they are and be the best example and person that you can be.
你不能改变任何人,只能让他们模仿你
Be the example of what you want to see in the world.
33 - Remain Humble
Remain Humble
做人要谦虚
Humble people have a clear idea of their abilities and achievements; they acknowledge their flaws and admit mistakes and limitations. They are open to new ideas even if they don’t entirely agree with them. They appreciate the value of everything and accept there are many different ways that people can contribute to this world.
不要固步自封
- Enjoying the lowly status of being an outsider and a nobody
Remain humble and enjoy the advantages of it.
34 - Let the other person come up with your idea
No one likes being sold on something or being told something. We want to feel that the decision was ours or that the idea was ours. We want people to ask us for our opinions, our wishes, and our thoughts. So, why not use this to your advantage?
The best way is always to plant the idea in somebody’s mind and let them think about it and meditate on it. Frequently, you will see the same person coming up with the same idea a couple of days later defending it as if it were their own idea. (I have to admit that this happens to me from time to time).
别告诉他们你的你的想法,引导他们自己想出来
The easiest way to let the other person feel it was their idea is ASKING. When you make an offer, ask the client what he really needs, or ask them to complete your offer to themselves. If you go on a family vacation, ask your family where they want to go and come to a consensus. If you are going out with friends, ask them what they like best. If you go on date night with your spouse ask him or her, what they’d like to do. So easy and yet so difficult, right?
Ask and let the other person come up with your idea.
35 - Be on time
“The while we keep a man waiting, he reflects on our shortcomings.” True or true?
36 - Focus on the other person’s strengths
Our focus determines our overall perception of the world.
So, if we focus on other people’s strengths what will happen? Yes. Exactly. We’ll see more of their strengths! Will that improve our personal relationships? You bet it will.
- What are their unique strengths? • What are you most proud of thinking of them? • What do they do best? • What are their most significant personal and professional accomplishments? • What gifts do they have? • What makes them unique and compelling?
Focus on the other person’s strengths and see them in an entirely new way.
37 - Don’t criticize.
Criticism is useless. The only thing it does is put a person on the defensive and makes them try to justify themselves.
The thought that criticism can improve something is old and outdated. Criticism only brings resentment and can demoralize family members, friends, colleagues, and employees.
批评已经不好使了,对个人企业政府都不会有用
We all know people we want to lecture, improve, and change, but you know what? Forget it. It’s impossible to change other people unless they are the ones who want to change. What you can do is start with yourself. Be the change you want to see in others, be the role model; be the example.
再强调一次,不要尝试用任何方法改变任何人。不可能成功
No good will come out of criticizing others. Swallow your criticism and work on yourself instead.
40 - A great way to give feedback
with the criticism that comes after the “BUT”. The feedback will lose its effectivity and maybe even credibility. You can easily avoid this using “and” instead of “but.”
41 - Let the other person save face
41-Let the other person save face
When somebody makes a mistake, let them save face.
42 - Make people feel happy about what you are telling them to do
We don’t like to be told what to do. Period. Even if it’s from people close to us.
A brilliant way of rejecting offers or invitations is this one: 1. Express gratitude for the invitation 2. Show your honest regret that you can’t accept the job or the event 3. Suggest a substitute who can do the job instead of you
44 - Recognize the worth of every individual
The most common mistakes that damage relationships are the following: • Failure to give credit for suggestions • Failure to correct unfairness • Failure to praise and encourage • Criticizing people in front of others • Failure to ask employees their opinions • Failure to inform employees of their progress • Favoritism
Make people feel worthy by thinking that they are important. Yes, it’s that easy. If you are convinced that other people are important, your behavior will show it.
Remember. People want to feel important.
Notice people. Everybody wants to be noticed. When you notice somebody, you are paying them a big compliment. You’re boosting their morale showing them “I recognize you.” And what happens then? People become friendlier, more helpful and better workers.
Recognize the worth of every individual, and you will win allies for life.
45 - Talk about your own mistakes first.
45-Talk about your own mistakes first.
Admit your mistakes-even if you haven’t corrected them yet-this makes you an authentic, honest person that people want to be around-because you are of a rare breed. In the best case, you can even convince somebody to change their behavior and not make the same mistakes you made.
Talk about your mistakes first and praise a lot-and people will want to hear your opinion and advice.
46 - Be nice
My friend Manuel is the nicest guy you can imagine. Always helping, always smiling, people like to be around him. He has an immensely powerful network that he uses to help everyone, but when he notices people taking advantage of him, he tells them very clearly that they can now leave his inner circle and if they do any more bad stuff he will use the same network to destroy them.
善良必需带刺
Be nice but don’t let other people fool you. Even nice people say “NO” or “enough is enough” every now and then.
47 - Be positive
Be an optimist. Be positive in every interaction. It’s free, and people will seek your company.
48 - Praise and praise a lot!
48-Praise and praise a lot!
When you praise, go into details. “Good job” is not enough. Tell the person exactly what he or she is doing well and why it’s so crucial for you or your company. Remember, we all want real appreciation and praise, but it has to be sincere and genuine. The principles in this book only work when they are honest and come directly from your heart. Transform people’s lives by praising them.
49 - How to make a good impression | (2nd part)
Don’t try too hard to make a good impression, but tell everyone around you that they are making a good impression.
50- Help others to like themselves better. Boost their self-esteem
Make it a habit to see the good in people, to give them sincere compliments and watch how much better your relations with others become. Help them like themselves better.
51 - Make it look easy
If you tell your kids, your spouse or your employees that they are too stupid to do a certain thing, not talented enough, that they’re doing it all wrong then you killed all their aspirations right there in the beginning-if they are unfortunate enough to believe you. On the other hand, if you use encouragement, make it seem easy, tell them that nobody is born a master at his craft and that with patience and consistency they can hone their skill and the outcome will look quite different.
Make it look easy and see people thrive.
52 - Use positive talk
Science has now found out that the way we talk about ourselves or events has a profound impact on our mindset and even our reality. People who tend to talk pessimistically in the morning tend to experience their day as much worse, while people who speak positively at the start of the day tend to experience their day as much more positive, meeting with much more opportunities. It’s not rocket science. We’ve all experienced it.
So cut the crap. Eliminate complaining, sarcasm and teasing from your conversations and use positive talk.
少废话,戒讽刺挖苦,聊点爱听的
54 - Write a Thank you Note
Show people that they are making the world a better place and write them a thank you note or a thank you email.
55 - Beware of people with false self-esteem
Someone who walks into a room showing off, bragging, looking like a peacock, probably doesn’t have high self-esteem. In fact, this behavior is the exact opposite of healthy self-esteem. If we can choose, we really don’t want to be around this kind of people. To worsen matters, people with false self-esteem will always judge and value you-and themselves-by what you achieve and by your results, not for what you really are.
Stick around people with higher levels of self-esteem. Mostly, they are humble and don’t need to show off continually.
Become a high self-esteem person and stay away from low self-esteem people except if you can be a role model for them.
56 - Put yourself in other people’s shoes
56-Put yourself in other people’s shoes
Empathy is one of the keys to success in our relationships with other people. It’s easy to judge and condemn people, any fool can do that. It’s a lot harder to try to understand them. If you have the patience and make an effort to understand them, to find out what makes them tick you can achieve anything and surely people will love to be around you.
58 - Don’t make assumptions
Stop making assumptions and start asking questions. It will change everything.
59 - Don’t take anything personally
Whatever people say to you-the good or the bad-is none of your business. Only YOU have to know who you are. Get over the need to be right. Remember what you want: To be right or to be in peace? Be smart. Choose peace.
Save yourself some suffering and don’t take anything personally.
天要下雨,由他去吧
60 - Stop spending time with the wrong people
Stop spending time with the wrong people
if you meet somebody that just doesn’t like you, think to yourself. “Well, I guess this is just one from the other 50%” and move on. And even more important: don’t try to change yourself so that they like you or spend time with you. It’s useless.
Life is too short to spend time with people who don’t treat you with love and respect. Let them go and make new friends.
生命短暂,远离傻逼坏逼
62 - Solve your problems right away
Did you ever notice that some people spend more time and energy avoiding and dancing around their problems, blaming others for them, than in trying to solve them?
抱怨没用,解决问题
Conclusion
Your attitude will be crucial. Keep a positive mindset even when things don’t go that well. Remember, sometimes when we are working towards a goal we get tested.