You might have heard or lived this story:

When you were 18, you saw a dress in a shop window. It was perfect, everything you imagined youth and beauty to be. But you looked at the price, then your wallet, and decided not to buy it. You told yourself, “It’s okay. I’ll buy it later when I have more money.”

Time flies, and now you’re 30. You’re successful, financially independent. Buying that dress from years ago is easy now. But when you can finally own it, you realize it doesn’t suit the 30-year-old you. The style, your mood, your current vibe—none of it fits.

Consumers might use this story to tell you, “See? Don’t wait! Life is short, get what you want now! Otherwise, you’ll regret it.”

This logic sounds perfect, but it’s only half the truth.

An Endless Puzzle: The Whac-A-Mole Game of Desires

Let’s continue the story.

Do you think this “can’t have it” regret only happens at 18? No. At 30, you might want a fancy suit you need to pay for over time, or a limited-edition bag. You tell yourself, “I’ll buy it when I get a promotion and a raise.”

At 60, you might easily buy that limited-edition bag, but by then, those things won’t mean as much anymore.

You see, if “delaying gratification” is just about “owning” something later, it often leads to “regret at the wrong time.”

But is “instant gratification” the answer? Quite the opposite.

Even if you bought that dress at 18, how long would that satisfaction last? Two months? Three? Soon, you’d like another “new” dress, then another. Until one day, you’d find a dress you couldn’t afford yet. So, that “dress you couldn’t buy at 18” problem would keep coming back in different forms at every stage of your life.

“Instant gratification” is an endless game of Whac-A-Mole. You satisfy one desire, and another pops up right away. You’re always chasing, always running, and what you get in the end isn’t happiness, but tiredness and emptiness from being drained by desire.

The Main Point: We Chase Desire Itself, Not Things

We’re stuck: giving in to desires leads to emptiness; holding back leads to regret.

The main problem is that we’ve always tried to “solve” desires, but never truly understood them. Desire is naturally flowing, changing, and never satisfied. It’s a sign of life, neither good nor bad.

What we really need to do is not beat it, but learn to dance with it. Go from being a slave led by desire to a master who can see and control it.

Becoming the Master of Desire: A Guide

How do we do this? We need to change from being a chaser to an observer and a guide.

1. Observe and Understand: “Register” Your Desires

When a strong “want” appears, don’t rush to act. Stop, and observe it like a scientist.

  • Acknowledge it: “I really like it. I feel a strong desire.”
  • Ask about it: “What exactly do I like? Is it the dress’s design? Is it the feeling it gives me, making me look more confident or popular? Or is it a certain lifestyle it represents that I want?”

When you can answer these questions clearly, you turn desire from a vague, powerful urge into something you can analyze and understand.

2. Look at the Root: From “Having It” to “Becoming That Person”

If your answer is “It makes me feel more confident,” then congratulations, you’ve found your true need. Now, the problem changes from “I must buy this dress” to “Besides buying the dress, how else can I become more confident?”

  • Go to the gym to get a healthier, stronger body?
  • Go to the library to fill your mind with knowledge and wisdom?
  • Focus on your studies or career to build real achievements?

The confidence from these actions is much stronger and lasts longer than what an outside object can give. At this point, that dress changes from something “needed” to something “nice to have.” Whether you buy it or not, you have inner strength.

3. Set Priorities: Make Desire Serve Your Core Values

Everyone has limited resources (money, time, energy). A mature person knows how to put limited resources into what matters most to them.

  • Ask yourself: What’s most important to me?
  • Is it short-term material joy, or long-term inner richness? Is it an expensive purchase, or a valuable learning experience?

When you have clear values, you have a ruler to measure all desires. You’ll find that many things that once haunted you suddenly lose their shine in front of your true life goals. You’ll willingly give up immediate temptations for a bigger dream (like saving for school abroad, starting a business, spending time with family), feeling sure, not held back.

4. Practice “Wise Satisfaction,” Redefine “Having”

This isn’t about not wanting anything. It’s about having the freedom to choose.

  • Selective Satisfaction: In areas you truly value and love, feel free to “spend a lot.” A music lover gets much deeper joy from buying top-tier headphones than from 10 fast-fashion outfits. Put your resources where they bring you lasting growth.
  • Meaningful Delayed Gratification: At 18, work part-time for that dress. This “delay” itself is growth. When you buy it with your own hard work, its meaning goes beyond just an item; it becomes a badge of your ability and effort.

Conclusion: Take Back Your Life’s Freedom

Let’s go back to being 18.

A person with inner freedom, seeing that expensive dress, would: Appreciate its beauty and understand their own desire to “become better.” Then, they would calmly choose: either make it a goal to work for, inspiring growth; or smile and let go, choosing to pursue something more meaningful to them.

Whatever they choose, they are active and calm.

At 30, they can afford that dress. They might buy it as a fun memory of their youth; or they might just smile, because the “beauty” that dress symbolized has already become part of their life through countless other ways. They won’t have regrets.

True freedom isn’t having the money to buy every dress in the world. It’s the calm strength of not being controlled by the thought of “having to own any dress.”

When you achieve this, no matter what dresses are popular in the window, your life will be dressed in the most unique and perfectly fitting gown.